Stress

So... the situation with my mom is better. She FINALLY listened to me, but not completely. But that's better than where we stood before. Now to put a lil more of my bidness out there, I'd gotten alil stressed out by all that's going on in life. So much so that I had to have the ambulance come to my home because I had a severe anxiety attack! So here's my truth, I'm stressed out, slighty depressed, and I'm sleep deprived. Before this incident, I would average 3-4 hours of sleep per night. I'm also dehydrated as hell! I don't drink water! It's so hard for me! I don't know why! Over the last 3 years with my hubby living in New York and me running things at the home front, I have really lost sight of self. I took great care of the kids, the cars, and the house, but ignored my own health. I haven't had a pap smear in 2 years, nor have I been to the dentist!
Of course since the incident, I have made appts with everyone I need to see. I also started drinking water. Haven't quite reached the goal amount, but I am doing a hell-of-alot better. I'm making sure I get 8 hours of sleep every night and I've started back on my prayer time (something that always keeps me). None of this stuff is a habit yet, but as long as I keep it up I'm sure it will.
Now... I put my bidness out there again for any of you beautiful sistas out there that are forgetting themselves. Please don't put yourself last. Your children do not benefit from a mother who is out of energy and barely living. Take care of yourself so that you can take better care of them. I've heard that so many times, but I didn't even realize that I was neglecting myself. I figured I eat right (kinda), exercise, and my kids are happy, that everything must be cool. I had no idea until my heart started beating thru my chest and I almost blacked out. So please keep taking care of yourselves. If you know you aren't... start! An yes, it's true... stress can kill you!

Turmoil

Ummm... let's just say I haven't been sleeping too well lately. I'm not really sure what the problem is either. I mean, yes my mind is kinda in turmoil right now, but no more stress than usual. I have a flood of emotions ranging from agony, disappointment, anger, and even heartbroken. And in case you're wondering, my made for tv marriage is in perfect condition and so are my kids LOL. I'm just in awe at how I could let anyone disappoint me after all I've been through relationship wise. I've had many strained relationships with so called friends and loved ones for what feels like my whole life. But I am very good at changing and adjusting. So over time I've learned how to expect exactly what people "show" me they are. Not what they say. Actions are always what matters to me. I can take my memory as far back as 1st or 2nd grade and remember how my "friends" took advantage of my friendliness. I can be naive when it comes to that. Being the Cancer that I am, I will give a friend or a loved one all of me. But, not that I'm a pro at this, all they need is show me once that they're not who I thought, and I can shut of my love flow instantly. Didn't say it didn't hurt, but it would hurt more to try and hold on. But this one is new to me. This is the last person I thought would do me dirty! Here I am 900 miles away from the love of my life, trying to build this life here for all of us. Trying so hard to make things work. But, I am spent. I can't give anymore. I am exhausted! All the compromising on my (and my hubby's) behalf is now to the point of uncomfortable. As much as this may hurt my very core to do... I guess it's time for the final phase of growing up... being able to tell the person that raised you that they are full of ish!
I've had her on a pedestal every since I can remember. Funny how when you get older you can now see you parents clearly. Now you can see them as human beings. All their mistakes are and bad choices shine like the sun. When I was a child I thought she could do no wrong. Every one knows of my stories of this "Wonder Woman" in a red cape that always saved the day. She was the one person (before I started my own family) tht I thought I couldn't live without. Now as we share a roof, I can see all her bad choices. I can see every stupid decision she makes. And normally I wouldn't care so much because I'm a strong believer in letting people create their own destiny. I gave her advice. I told her exactly what I thought on different occasions. She doesn't think I'm wise enough to advice her of course. I mean she raised me. What would I know 20 yrs younger? A hell of alot because she raised me with a secret free relationship. She was always honest with me growing up. It scared me and also prepared me for life. Now, she is making choices tha are affecting me and my family. Matter of factly, she has changed the course of our lives for the past 3 yrs. It hurts to realise that some of my insomnia is her fault. It hurts to know that this pretty ribbon of gray hairs in the front of my hairline is partially her fault. It hurts that my children were exposed to anything out of to my "Cosby Show" life I had planned for them LOL. She was actually the reason I've been so ready to give relationship advice lately. Well, her and a few other sistas I knwo making some CRAZY decisions! How do you take relationship advice from someone who isn't in one and who never made one work? Luckily I listened more to myself (and my hubby) than to her. The way she sees it, I'm afraid of him (yeah she played that card) LOL. But he and a real couple. We work together on everything. Even subjects that may uncomfortable LOL (I get a new crush evey now and again. it's healtthy trust me LOL). She doesn't understand that because her relationships function on secretcy. Something I don't even should be said in the same sentence with relationship! I am so uncomfortable at the thought of telling her one last time how I feel. I would never have expected to have to tell "Wonder Woman" that she disappointed me. And never woulda believed that before I left this earth I could honestly say that both of my parents screwed at some point in life! That hurts the most! Not here. Not my favorite super hero. Not that I decalred to so many that I wanted to be just like when I grow up. Sadly, I have lot of her bad qualities. I fight them everyday! But I have some of her good qualities too... like her strength. This woman could get hit by a mack truck and walk out without a scratch! But here's the difference... when the mack truck hits her... she makes sure she's okay first... that's the problem. I've been making decisions for the past 3 yrs for all of us, and she's been making decisions for herself. That can't work in any relationship. And now, I am stressed out because of it. So... now that I just told ya'll all my bidness LOL... I guess I gotta keep you all updated. I'll let you know how it turns out.

true story

Oh my gosh! She is so talented! LMBO I just loved this one the most. Really showed her versatility. She is gonna go far and I think she deserves it :~)

Inspiration for Today

I am so crazy about Prince! I would still totally do him LMBO!



She's his protege whether she know it or not.

Let Me Explain...

myself. The reason behind my "Love is not a reason to get married" comment is this: sometimes a man you fall in love with is not your match. Sometimes you two are like poison together. Always bickering, arguing, and fighting, but yet you love him. Or maybe you love him so much the things that really get under your skin about him, you figure will change or magically go away with time. Or, my absolute favorite, you figure you will change him in time. The only time a woman sucessfully changes a man is when he's a baby. Do not occupy your time with trying to turn an "ok" for you man into the "perfect" man for you. Do you really want a man that's that pliable anyway. If you are crazy enough to buy a raggedy arse car and think that it will magically get better with time, then by all means go ahead LOL! Or maybe you wanted a car with leather interior and a sunroof, but couldn't afford it at the time, and you say... I'll buy this other model I like for now and have all the bells and whistles installed later. One of two things will happen; you will either find out later that it's more expensive to get things added later or you'll regret the purchase and wish you'd just waited til you could afford the one you wanted.

I mean, how many of us were in love with our "first" and yet, the majority of us, are not with our "first" now. So back to what I said, love is not a reason to get married. That just covers the emotional part. Love is not gonna fix an argument about marrital and family values. It will not make you see eye to eye on issues that can make or break a marriage. Marriage is very much like a business partnership. Once you throw in bills and kids you understand why I say that. You have to be totally invested in the business to make it work. You have to love your business partner and you have to have similar work ethics. At the end of the day, when your partner lost money in a bad investment that you didn't agree with, love is not gonna get you through. That's when those work ethics have to kick in. Ok.. stuff is messed up. What are we gonna do?

My main problem with marriage nowadays is the reasoning behind them getting married. That is a question (why do I want to marry him) you should ask yourself before you're even proposed to. If you are dating a man and you even think for a minute that it's serious... you need to ask yourself that question before he pops the question. And ask him why he wants to marry you. Are you guys just good emotional partners or can you be good business partners as well? If you can't see both ends of that spectrum I would give my relationship a once over.

Your partner should make you better and vice versa. Yes, you are fierce by yourself, but that dude makes you better! That's a beautiful thing. It doesn't mean you are not great by yourself. It just means you've found the person that makes you very whole. You two are like a puzzle that just fits. You could be nothing alike but have so much in common. You values are the same yet you hate each others hobbies! That's okay! You compliment each other in EVERY way.If you are a better woman with him and he's a better man with you, then make it work. But love cannot and will not save your marriage at the end of the day. It takes alot more.

"Marriage is not for cowards." - The Late Great Ossie Davis (married to Ruby Dee for 57 years until his death in 2005)
I love this quote because about 2 months into my marriage I knew exactly what he meant LOL!

Coming in July

Thanks to one of my favorite sistas on fotki (Hey BelleMuse), I've deicided to do a segment (that very well may become my lil online show) about thrift store finds. Belle suggested that I talk about how to find timeless vintage pieces and I luvvv the idea. As a woman that is trying to force herself out of mommy dressing mode, this will be good for me as well. My closet is growing yet I haven't worn half the crap in there. Mainly becuz I go back to old faithfuls all the time. This project will definitely force me out of that "mommy comfort zone" and into putting some of the great pieces I've found into action! So as I plan and start preparing for this (I'm sooo excited), you ladies stay tuned and stay fabulous!!!

Oh and my quote for today (luv this one):
You can't sprinkle sugar on shit and call it ice cream.
That goes for relationships too Sistas! Now ya'll share that ;~)

Todays Inspiration

All I can say is wow. LUVVVVVVVVV this dress! Her hair and make-up were on point too.



***drools***